sujusanta (sujusanta) wrote in miracle_ss,


For: geurigo
Title: Say Goodbye [1541 words]
Pairing: Kangyeon
Category: Romance/Angst [Post DUI]
Rating: Pg 13
Summary: Kangin knows he messed up, and he wants to make it better, especially with Taeyeon but he doesn’t know how, or if he can.

AN: First time writing Kangyeon [Taeyeon in general], Henhae, and Eunteuk, so forgive me if they aren’t as good as you may have wished. Also sorry in advance for the angst of the first two. I wanted to write something for almost all of your prompts, and two of them fell in the angst category.

Kangin knows he’s messed up, of course he does. How could he not? But he doesn’t know how to fix it. Everyone he loves, everyone he’s closest too…usually so forgiving…but he knows they can’t be this time.

It’s not the first time, of course, that’s he drinken, and not the first time, of course, that’s he gotten drunk. They’ve tried, so many times, to get him to stop, but he can’t. He’ll be the first to admit, maybe he is an alcoholic, but being an idol is stressful. That’s always his weak excuse, and in the beginning, they’d understood, told him to drink less and it would be okay.

But now, and even before now, that excuse has been seen as nothing but something to hide behind, because the amount he drinks, it can kill him. They all know it, no matter how well he says he can hold his liquor. They all worry for him, and he wonders, did they see this coming?

He’d been so stupid. He was always stupid when he drank. He’d wanted to see Taeyeon, he’d even called her, told her he was coming over. He faintly remembers her telling him to stay where he was, not to come, that she would come to him if he wanted to see her so badly. He faintly remembers…her pleading? But he’d assured her it would be fine, thought it would be fine.

But it hadn’t.

He faintly remembers that night. There’d been so much alcohol in his system, it blurred the edges. He’d gotten in the car, joyful and lonely, wanting to see Taeyeon, to tell her how much he loved her, and he fumbled with the keys. Had such a hard time, seemingly unable to get the keys into the ignition.

That should have stopped him, but of course, it hadn’t. He’d preceded, he’d driven, he’d hit someone. And then all he knew was fear. Fear at what he’d just done in a ridiculous moment of drunk driving. He couldn’t even believe himself, and the fear seemed to crawl through out all of him, until he ran. He knew not to run, hadn’t meant to run, but he’d been so afraid.

He remembers going back to the dorm, suddenly clear headed despite the alcohol in his system, and then he remembers Leeteuk running him out. He remembers Leeteuk calling his Taeyeon, explaining the situation when he pled with Leeteuk not to make him go, not to make him turn himself in.

And he remembers Taeyeon’s tearful voice urging him to go! He’d cried. And then he’d shut down, and he’d gone. Back to the scene of the crime, to the police station, turned himself in, explained what’d happen, that he’d been drinking. And he knew right then and there that he wasn’t going to be able to see Taeyeon for some time now. That he might be kicked out of Super Junior. That he might lose everything he’d worked so hard to get. That he might have to say goodbye to all those he loved dearly.

All for a little bit of alcohol that would make him forget everything that was so hard for him to deal with. All the stress, all the fears, all the heartache of being an idol.

Leeteuk was livid with him. Usually the forgiving, and loving leader. Now, staring at him with hurt and angry eyes. “Idiot.” They accused, and he sometimes said when he walked by him, smacking his upper arm roughly in anger and hurt. Because they all knew Leeteuk loved him, just like he loved all the other members, and couldn’t stand to see what might happen to him. Didn’t want to see him lose everything.

Heechul wasn’t so quiet about his anger, throwing things at him when he was most frustrated, and Hankyung and Siwon usually at his side, not even bothering to stop him with heated anger and hurt in their eyes. “How could you do this to us?” All of their eyes seemed to accuse. They were right, he was supposed to be like their father. The role model for the group…and he had failed them.

It broke his own heart, tugged it right out from inside his chest.

Donghae and Ryeowook could only look at him with tears in their eyes, tending to avoid eye contact and walking with a subtle slump to their shoulders that anyone who cared to notice, noticed. They hid from him, when they could, and he knew they cried at night. They were angry with him, he was certain, but they were more hurt by the fact that they might lose him. They could forgive him, if only he could stay.

Sungmin was geared towards severe anger, along with Kyuhyun, both coping in the only ways they knew how. Snapping at everyone around them for no other reason then because they could. Kyuhyun tended to lock himself in his room and kill kill kill, pounding away at the keyboard and clicking his mouse about, playing his beloved Star Craft. Sungmin took to fighting with Hankyung, whipping out his martial arts because he could, because he needed to, and neither had to explain to their noona’s why they came to them bruised up lately.

Eunhyuk spent his time locked away in his room, ignoring the others whenever he could, and less then his usual happy self. It broke Kangin’s heart to know that he was the cause of that. It broke his heart to be unable to understand Eunhyuk’s feelings (whether he was angry or sad…) or to know that Eunhyuk wouldn’t look to his hyung’s for help, to let out his feelings. It made him feel like he’d disrupted the trust the other male put in his elders, and he was starting to fear if it would last long past this incident.

Shindong, to his utter horror, was eating more, and he wondered, sometimes, when Shindong took a break from feeding himself to look up at him, it he wasn’t doing it just to spite him. To get back at him for being an idiot by gaining back the pounds Kangin had helped him take off. They both knew this would anger management, that they’d make him take it back off again, plus some, but neither cared about that aspect of it. Kangin could only be horrified that it was his fault, and Shindong could only be proud of himself for getting back at the elder in some way. And it wasn’t as if the food weren’t a comfort for the pain he felt too.

Yesung’s face stayed carefully blank every time he saw Kangin, eyes looking so brooding. And even though that brooding stare was Yesung’s neutral face, Kangin couldn’t help feeling like there was more behind it know then usually. Yesung never touched him anymore, never made surprised visits when he was lonely or put out. Kangin felt like a perfect stranger to all of them.

And it was only made worse when Kibum and Taeyeon called him to yell at him. On the same day. Within minutes of each other. As if they’d planned it. Of course, he knew they hadn’t.

Kibum’s voice had made him sound like he was crying, even as he yelled at him and called him and idiot and cussed at him in two different languages. He hadn’t gotten a word in edge wise, other then ‘I’m sorry’ countlessly ignored and interrupted, before the other was hanging up and calling the members he was closest to, to cajole.

But Taeyeon, by far, was the worst. Her threats to break up with him if he didn’t get his act together making her sound heartless even while he understood it was his fault, and he got the feeling she was trying to hold back tears. She didn’t want to see him again until all of this was over, until he’d fixed things with the others, until he was done with alcohol forever.


“Taeyeon…” He whispered into the mouth piece, tears slipping down his face.

“Kangin.” She answered, curt, as she had been the last time they’d talked, when he’d told her he was on his way there, nearly alcohol free. She’d told him 6 months. If he could do 6 months without one drink, she would let him come back to her.

It’d only been two months since then, and he knew this had to be the end, that he had to say goodbye. He’d gotten drunk, under the ever watchful eyes of his band members at the very least. The first time since the DUI. But she’d told him…warned him. And it was breaking his heart.

He’d begged, told them just this once please even as he knew it would ruin so much for him, and they’d only agreed when they’d seen how badly he’d needed it. There were so many people giving him crap, even as he tried so hard to stop drinking. They understood. But only with them around, only this once.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered, and hung up, knowing she’d heard the drunken lilt in his voice. He dropped the phone and turned to sob in Leeteuk’s arms.>

Title: Hidden Loves, Hidden Lives [1326 Words]
Pairing: Henhae
Category: Romance/Angst [Couple Hardships]
Rating: Pg 13
Summary: Being an idol…it breaks their heart’s, keeps them apart…and they all learn to be self sacrificing, because they know that’s how it has to be.

Sometimes, you wonder why you chose this, when it would have been that much easier to remain who you once were. Maybe, instead of being a pop singer and dancer in China, you could have moved to the states, become famous with your violin. Maybe that would have been safer.

But no. You know that’s not true. Even if you had chosen to continue on, solely, with your violin. Even if you had chosen to become famous in a whole other industry, with the classical, possibly in an orchestra, you know things would be the same.

You still would have had to work, and work hard, to get where you are now. It wouldn’t have been any easier there, then here, to get the recognition you so badly wanted. You and Zhou Mi. You’d both worked so hard, and finally, they were warming to you.

Only 13 chants were dying out. More and more people were welcoming you and Zhou Mi, and that made you happy. But it doesn’t change those thoughts, those wonders, that you sometimes have.

And yet somehow, you know you wouldn’t have been happy playing in an orchestra, or being famous with just your violin. You’d never been content to be normal, never played the violin in just the usual way. Somehow, you know, you were meant to play it the way you did, in a K-pop band, as part of the subgroup geared to the Chinese. Super Junior M.

Where you’d met Donghae, the unbelievably sunshiny male who was somehow older then you when he acted more like a 5 year old boy.

He’d been the first to accept you. To accept you and Zhou Mi. But he’d always been closer to you. You knew from the beginning, whenever he turned that bright grin over to you and chattered at you in the way that only Donghae did, that he would be a friend for life. He would be the person you were closest to.

And it turned out more true then you’d ever expected.

Which always brought you right back to that original thought pattern. Why did you choose this? Things would have been so much easier if you’d never come here, never become part of a 13 man group with another man called Zhou Mi, never met Lee Donghae, never fallen in love with someone you could never truly have.

Because you couldn’t have him. Not in Korea, or China, at least. Only in secret, just as Donghae’d taught you. Just like all the others, who lived secret lives of love, hidden in the dorms, never to be shown as true as it really is, only in the fan service that kept the fans guessing, kept the fans happy.

And you hated it. How could you not? All of the boys hated it, and some were blatant about it, like Heechul who insisted on shoving it in managements face, always hiding under the fan service cover and always able to get away with it. Because, really? What was management going to do when it made the fans happy?

They didn’t care if it was true. Just so long as it was never spoken aloud. Just so long as no one came into the open, were it could no longer be written off as fan service.

Does that make them cruel? To you it does, because you know they know. You know they know much of it is real, and they don’t care if it break’s your hearts that you can never be open about it. You can never be happy together, out in the open. None of you can.

But you love Donghae, and you treasure every little moment between the two of you. You don’t care when Donghae flirt’s with the other members, or does fan service with the others, because you know at the end of the day he’ll come back to you, and the others will go back to their own.

Because that’s how it’s always been, since the very beginning, when the first relationship’s started popping up. That’s how it’ll always be, and there’s no way to change it.

For now, you’re content to live like this. Content to cherish the moment’s you have, because really? What more could you ask for then the love he gives you?

It’s hard being an idol, all of you agree, but this is the price you pay to do something you love. To hide your real hearts from your sleeves and give the fan’s what they want, because that’s part of your life. Even when what the fans want isn’t what you want.

Because if you had it your way, you’d never be apart form Donghae’s side, though you still had those moments sometimes when you would blush that girlish blush when Donghae said something charming.

You loved when he touched you, he loved when you touched him. Even tiny little caresses of the arm, or when one of you would wipe excess food from the others face, or when he played with your chubby ‘chipmunk’ cheeks, all the while cooing at you in his loving way, or when he complained when management made you lose weight, and you lost some of those cheeks he loved so much.

And you knew it was like that for all of them, all those hidden couples who had to deal with ever changing hairstyles and ever changing demeanor that came from the stress of hiding, of practicing, of getting two hours of sleep, of performing…It was hard on all of you, losing what you were used to so your lover could become something else.

Though the changes never made you love then any less, couldn’t you miss them? Couldn’t you miss those things that had first attracted you, or your favorite hairstyles? Couldn’t you miss the days when your lovers weren’t pulling their hair out from stress, or losing weight because they no longer ever felt like eating? Or getting sick, because they never got a break? Never got a chance to prevent it from starting in the first place?

So maybe you don’t actually ever wonder why you chose this, but why things turned out like this. You hadn’t expected to fall in love, never. And even if you had, not with another male…another band mate. Someone you could never have, no matter how much he loved you.

Because though he promised over and over again that when this was all over, when Super Junior broke apart for whatever reason it might break apart, he would leave Korea to be with you…you knew you couldn’t do that to him.

His life was here. In Korea. And if he left with you back to Canada, to be with you were you didn’t have to hide your love for one another…he would never be allowed to come back. And he had more family here then you did, though you considered all 13 of the others your family…it wasn’t the same.

You could live with never being able to come back to Korea, but you couldn’t live with yourself if Donghae couldn’t come back either. He was born and raised here. He had family with so many of the other groups, not just your own, and whatever remained of the family he’d left when he’d joined Super Junior like the rest of them.

You couldn’t take Donghae with you, and that was the price of coming here. Of not choosing to play your violin like everyone else, of not choosing to become part of an orchestra or whatever…and yet, you thought maybe…just maybe it was all worth it. To have him to yourself for at least this short a time.

Because, hell, at least you had him now. And at least you would always know, somewhere deep down, he still loved you and you stilled loved him. Because that would never stop, no matter how many miles were put between you.>

AN: My apologies if the last group of pairings aren’t your preferred, but I had nothing to go off of.

Title: Last Summer [3271 Words]

Pairing: Eunteuk

Side Pairings: Henhae, Kangyeon, Shinessica, Kyumi, Yewook, Hanmin, Sichul

Category: Romance [AU Vacation]

Rating: Pg 15 for mentions of adult themes.

Summary: Senior Year. The last year before they would head off to different colleges, forced to say goodbye to so many precious friends. So they took a vacation, to say goodbye.

It hadn’t been a particularly hard year, this year, but it had been a particularly stressful one. Senior year. The last year before they would head off to different colleges, forced to say goodbye to so many precious friends.

Graduation had been hard, and tear filled, though their own little group [of 15] had plans for one last vacation together before they took off in different directions, promising one another to keep in touch. And they knew they would, around busy schedules. They’d email, if they had to.

Because they were all pretty close.

Some of them would stay together, small clumps, mostly of couples, headed off to the same college. Some of them were going farther then others, some staying nearby. Some of them weren’t even leaving home.

But, for the most part, they would be separated. And for who knew how long. They couldn’t know if they were going to meet up again, if their career choices would drive them down similar paths, or if they’d have to struggle to be together again. And they didn’t know who would forget who. They hoped none would, but it was inevitable.

Some would be forgotten by others, only remembered when reminiscing, but they couldn’t blame whoever that was. It was only part of growing older. But they could hope, that maybe…just maybe they wouldn’t grow too far apart.

They put those thoughts aside, however, when three weeks into the summer they were all moving down to Siwon’s family’s summer house for a couple weeks. To spend one last partial summer together before they headed off to college. It would likely be their last summer all together.


For the most part, they were all paired up, except for Hyukjae and Leeteuk, and there were enough rooms [and no adults] for all the couples to get a room to themselves in Siwon’s summer home. Common courtesy asked for no sex, but if they did, the rest of them hoped they would keep it quiet.

16 people ended up coming, rather then the originally planned 15, but it all worked out in the end, because Kibum ended up being unable to come [some of them feared that meant he would be the first they would lose track of] and Hyukjae and Leeteuk didn’t mind sharing a room. Kangin and Shindong brought their girlfriends, the only two dating outside of their group, and, coincidently, the only two with girlfriends. None of the other boys minded.

It was a mad dash, when they first arrived, to get the best rooms, though Siwon and Heechul automatically got the main suite [lucky it was Siwon’s house or Heechul may have kicked up a fuss]. The rest of the room’s were relatively similar in size, though location was pretty important to many of them. Siwon informed them there were beautiful views from every window, it just depended on what view you wanted.

Which is what’d caused the mad dash.

Kyuhyun dragged Zhou Mi to a room closest to a bathroom [Zhou Mi’d confided with the others that Kyuhyun had a bathroom kink] and Zhou Mi felt lucky enough that particular room near that particular bathroom had a nice view of the ocean, and a balcony to stand out on. He had no complaints. [And it came to no one’s surprise when the two announced they were going to ‘test out’ the showers not long after they’d unpacked.]

Kangin and Taeyeon grabbed another room with a nice view of the ocean and claimed it as their own somewhere on the bottom floor. Their window also had a sliding glass door that opened to a direct route out to the ocean.

Shindong offered to let Jessica choose a room, but she didn’t care where they stayed. [Most of the boys blamed that on the way she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off of Shindong.] They ended up taking one of the side rooms on the top floor because Shindong took up to much time being persistent that Jessica choose.

Ryeowook and Yesung took the room closest to the kitchen, and though they all knew Ryeowook just loved to cook, they wondered if Yesung’s ‘Ryeowook in the kitchen kink’ had anything to do with that choice. Hankyung and Sungmin took the next closest room, also close to the woods in the front of the house were Sungmin was planning on forcing Hankyung to practice Martial Arts with him.

Henry and Donghae chose a corner room on the top floor, and many of the group wondered if they would ever once leave the room. They knew the two would be going to different colleges, though not too far away from each other. It would be at least an hour drive in either direction, and both wondered how much time around studies they’d have to be together.

Hyukjae and Leeteuk, who’d waited patiently for the others to choose room’s, got the last corner room with a sliding glass door that opened up to the woods out front. In Hyukjae’s opinion, he couldn’t have gotten luckier.

Because though all the others were happy in relationships, Hyukjae was not. And he wasn’t sure if he was lucky or unlucky that he’d ended up with the only other single male in the group. The one he happened to be crushing on but who only seemed to see him as a little brother.

And if he could escape the room at night, out into the woods where he could easily lose sight of the person he most desperately wanted and felt he couldn’t have, then he was happy.


The boys remained happy the first week at the summer house, keen on forgetting the fact that they wouldn’t be with each other, altogether, for very much longer. They spent most of their time out on the beach, toes dug into the sand, playing beach volleyball, or pushing each other out into the waves.

Donghae and Henry made the most of their time together, cuddling or sneaking kisses in whenever they got the chance, and, as the others assumed, having sex by night. Sometimes, the others would notice that sad, despairing look cross their faces and would immediately saunter over to wipe it off again.

There would be no brooding on this trip.

Kangin spent his time organizing all the volleyball games, and making sure Taeyeon was always on his team. He joked with her a lot, and made little comments about how bad she was at volleyball until she tackled him into the sand to smack at his chest with a childish, happy grin on her face that rivaled his own.

Jessica forced Shindong into the water, splashing water at his face as she wadded farther in, forcing him after her to retaliate. A few times she managed to make him believe she was drowning in order to get him to come in after her. She enjoyed the water, and took pleasure in forcing Shindong to enjoy it with her.

Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi spent the majority of their time in the water too, but most of the boys doubted it had anything to do with the enjoyment of swimming. If the sated looks they had on their faces whenever they came out of the water and Zhou Mi’s smiling winks were anything to go off of, they were pretty sure their activities were a little more strenuous.

Ryeowook cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner each and every day with the help of Hankyung, refusing to allow Siwon to order anything. After the first time Siwon’d told him he didn’t need to cook and was rewarded with a scowl, tear filled eyes, and an angry “BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’LL GET TO COOK FOR ALL OF YOU!”, Siwon hadn’t attempted to make him stop again.

Yesung took to sitting in the kitchen, watching Ryeowook cook, with glassy, loving eyes. After the first time Hankyung’d come back from checking up on everyone to find Yesung initiating what would soon be sex on the kitchen table [a kitchen table that wasn’t even there own], he’d gotten Sungmin to take Yesung off their hands when it looked like temptation was settling in.

Siwon and Heechul were seen for each and every meal, and a few times in between, but Heechul’d taken to interrupting Siwon whenever he’d settle in to play a game of volleyball, or a random board game in the living room at night, to force him back up into their room. By the mesmerized way Siwon stared at Heechul’s ass whenever he did so, it didn’t seem he minded much.

Hyukjae, on the other hand, spent his time flitting about Leeteuk, trying not to make it obvious he was in love with him, but unable to leave his side when all he wanted was to be as close to possible to him. They’d always been close friends, and Hyukjae wanted it to stay that way.

He was glad they would be going to the same college, even if that would make it harder to get over his crush on the older male.

And Leeteuk, as always, ran around making sure he spent time with each and every person, and babied them as much as possible. Because he knew he wouldn’t be seeing many of them again for some time, and he loved them all dearly. Like family.


It was the second week when things started to get a little bumpy. At least for Hyukjae.

For most of them, it was still smooth sailing. They had two more weeks before they would be leaving, little groups at a time, until it was only Siwon and Heechul who were left, the two who would be attending a college near the summer house.

For some of them, tears were already being shed. You could often find Henry or Donghae with tears in their eyes, smiling at the friends that surrounded them. They tried to hide it, but Donghae tended to dissolve into sobs, which would in turn make Henry’s tears fall, and would have the rest of the boys comforting them.

Ryeowook was also one who would often be found crying, though he attempted to hide it much harder then Henry or Donghae. Every once in a while, when one would walk by the kitchen while Ryeowook was cooking, they might see a tear slip into the food he was slaving over.

Ryeowook refused to admit it, even when he would cry openly after Donghae started up.

But it was Leeteuk who cried the most, and it was Leeteuk who made things hard on Hyukjae.

Leeteuk, who considered each and every one of them his babies. Leeteuk, who would probably miss them all the most. Leeteuk, who probably knew the most about all of them. Leeteuk, who’d taken care of them for who knew how long.

He cried at least once a day, sometimes three or four times.

But he could also be found whispering, pleading with Kangin, and immediately stop when he noticed Hyukjae around.

And it confused Hyukjae to no end.

For the longest time, Hyukjae’d had the sneaking suspicion Leeteuk was in love with Kangin, and thinking about it always depressed him. In this case, seeing him what that strained look on his face, pleading with the other male, made him wonder. It would be Leeteuk’s last chance to tell Kangin the truth, would he take it?

And would he push for what he wanted…? Hyukjae knew Leeteuk wouldn’t force anyone to do anything…but maybe…maybe he was pleading with Kangin to kiss him, just once. Pretend that he loved him back. Because chances were, by the time they saw each other again, Leeteuk was expecting to have gotten over him.

Maybe that was it.

But Hyukjae didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to let his mind run wild.

It was kind of hard not to when he saw it happen every day, and the speculation just kept coming, each one wilder then the last, until Hyukjae was just about ready to make an excuse to leave early, just so he wouldn’t have to see it anymore.


“Hyukjae, you always spend so much time with Leeteuk! It’s not like your not going to see him again soon like most of us!” Kangin complained one day, to Hyukjae’s utter confusion and dismay.

“I mean, you hardly talk to me unless Leeteuk’s around. And every where he goes, I see you. Why aren’t you spending time with the rest of us?” Hyukjae couldn’t tell if the words were meant to be teasing, or scolding. He hoped Kangin was just teasing, but he knew Kangin was right.

Hyukjae just couldn’t find it in himself to hang out with anyone but Leeteuk, the one he wanted to be closest too.

It seemed, with Kangin’s prodding, everyone else was complaining about the same thing, and soon enough, Hyukjae found himself giving into their complaints and staring longingly at Leeteuk whenever he passed by.

But it wasn’t as if he didn’t enjoy spending time with the others. It was just that they all had someone to go to bed with at night, knowing they were loved and cherished, and he…he only had the dream of that.


As the second week ended, slowly, one small group at a time, the group started to dissipate, some of them headed home to pack for the dorms they would be leaving for soon, in order to get acquainted with the campus, or the language barrier they would have to jump.

Some of them were headed home only to pack up and leave for a second vacation with their families before they left for University.

Leeteuk and Hyukjae would be some of the last to leave, and as their numbers slowly dwindled, Hyukjae found himself cajoling a crying Leeteuk some nights, and watching Leeteuk bury himself into Kangin’s side after another person or two left during the days.

He found himself desperate to spend time with those who were leaving, and he wasn’t completely sure if it was in an attempt to keep away from being in between Leeteuk and Kangin [who would leave before Leeteuk and himself with Taeyeon in a few days] as they spent their short time together, or if he was finally despairing over losing the others soon.

Not that he didn’t love the others.

He was just rather selfish when it came to his crush on Leeteuk.

So he supposed it was partly both, in the end.


It was the night before Kangin and Taeyeon [the only two others left besides Leeteuk and himself and Siwon and Heechul] were to leave that Hyukjae found himself excusing himself to turn in early. He’d kissed Taeyeon softly on the cheek and gave her a hug before turning to hug Kangin, who’d grabbed him in one of his famous bear hugs and refused to let go for 3 minutes of Hyukjae crying about not being able to breathe and wiggling around in his hold.

When Hyukjae’d finally been released, he’d turned with a silly grin on his face to see Leeteuk hiding a sad, wistful look with a smile.

It almost immediately made Hyukjae’s smile slip off his face, and when he’d gotten to their room, he hadn’t even bothered to throw on a jacket before he was slipping out into the woods and looking for a nice, secluded spot not to far away for him to be able to find his way back.

As was normal of a beach setting, it was freezing at night, but Hyukjae barley noticed. He felt a little cold inside, his spirits a little dampened. He’d planned to turn in early in order to allow for Leeteuk to spend some semi-alone time with Kangin before he left tomorrow morning, possibly before they woke, but he hadn’t expected to see the wistful look on his face.

It made him want to cry, to think of it now. Because it made him nearly certain that Leeteuk was in love with Kangin. And Hyukjae was so in love with Leeteuk.

Maybe…maybe Hyukjae could be the person who would help Leeteuk get over Kangin. Maybe he could be the fall back, the best friend turned lover. He might not even mind so much if Leeteuk could promise nothing more then to try when and if Hyukjae told him the truth about his own feelings.

If Hyukjae could do anything to help his friend, he would do it. Even if it meant breaking his own heart to do it.

“Hyukjae? Are you out here?” A voice called, not too long after Hyukjae’d left the building. He knew that voice. There was no way he could ever not recognize it. Even so, he didn’t answer, whether it was because he was afraid to, or because he didn’t want to see him, he wasn’t sure.

A rustling nearby alerted him to the others approaching presence. He briefly considered getting up quietly and sneaking further into the woods, but before he could so much as stand, Leeteuk was emerging in front of him.

The other sent him a slightly pained smile. Hyukjae forced a smile back.

It was silent between them, Hyukjae unsure what to say, and Leeteuk appearing as if he wanted to say something but unsure how to. Hyukjae looked down. Leeteuk started to shuffle his feet slightly. A sigh broke the silence, and Hyukjae looked up again, just as Leeteuk was taking the few steps forward to meet him.

Sliding off his own jacket, Leeteuk handed it to Hyukjae, and Hyukjae suddenly realized he was shivering.

“Look, you’re freezing! Why didn’t you bring a jacket out with you?” The older chided, and this time, Hyukjae’s smile was real. He stood up and took the jacket from the older and slipped it on gratefully.

“That’s better now, isn’t it?” He asked with a tentative smile, and it was so unlike Leeteuk to be unsure of himself. It made Hyukjae curious and confused.

It was silent between them again, and Hyukjae looked for something to interrupt it, even as Leeteuk stared to the side.

“Now you won’t have a jacket…” Hyukjae mumbled, staring at the ground when he realized the other was only wearing the thin shirt he’d been wearing earlier. He looked up again when Leeteuk laughed that special laugh he loved so much. He smiled uncertainly back.

“I love that smile…” Leeteuk murmured as his laugher died out, and he took a step closer to the younger of the two. Hyukjae wasn’t sure what to do. Laugh? Say thank you? But Leeteuk was getting closer, and it was making his heart beat faster, his vision go a little blurry, his blood pound with adrenaline. He couldn’t think straight.

And then Leeteuk was cupping his cheek, movements tentative, eyes nervous as they flickered between Hyukjae’s lips and his eyes. It seemed they were at a standstill for the longest time, Hyukjae’s whole body thrumming with the want for the kiss that seemed to be coming, but it was only a matter of seconds before Leeteuk was closing the distance and kissing him with that hesitant unsureness he’d seen on his face earlier.

And it only took a moment for the shock of the actual kiss to pass and allow for Hyukjae to kiss back, all thoughts of Leeteuk loving Kangin completely blown from his mind.


“You…you thought I was in love with Kangin!?”

“Well, what was I supposed to think! You were always with him and-”

“Of course I was always with him! He’s my best friend!”


AN: Excuse the mistake in the last fic. Though I know the boys are between 1 and 6 years older then each other, I’ve put them in the same grade in order to accomplish a vacation fic with all 15 of the boys, even if it was mostly centered on Hyukjae and Leeteuk’s relationship.>

Tags: fic exchange 2009
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